I was driving home from school today and “No One” by Alicia Keys came on the radio, and I was immediately transported two years in the past. It’s weird because that song wasn’t particularly special or dear to me in any way, yet it is ingrained in my memory so deeply that it can take me back to a specific moment: Waking up early to the radio on my alarm clock and going through the motions at this new school in Georgia that I was trying so hard to find my own place in. The song came out around springtime, which is when I feel like I had somewhat settled more. I had track practice after school, where I’d run and get an awesome body and this crazy tan. None of it mattered though, because I still felt anxious when I walked into the cafeteria at lunch, staring out at the sea of unfamiliar and unwelcoming faces. All I wanted was a niche, a corner that I could settle myself into and contently ride out the next two years in peace.
This idea was bumping around in my head today: right now, at this moment, I am older than I have ever been in my entire life, and I am also younger than I will ever be, ever again. What a singularly monumental moment in time. But there are so many tiny moments that make up a lifetime that plenty of them, too many of them, get lost in the clutter of our insignificant, everyday lives.
I am so glad to be past the last four years. New things are coming and they’ll be better than anything I’ve had before.
I don’t live in a movie, I swear. God.