Oh you know. I’m just sitting on my bed, wasting my life away. Writing some things here, painting my nails, and adding music to my iTunes library. It’s too hot to go outside and my Red&Black meeting isn’t for another hour or so.
I really love Azure Ray, and “Sleep” was the first song of theirs I ever heard. But here’s my deal with “Sleep.” It’s scares me, a lot. The song does. Because it has this ability to shoot me back in time instantly to my junior year of high school. It sounds like Custer Road on a spring evening, just a few weeks before the pollen starts flying to make my allergies go crazy. The sun’s going down and I’m almost blinded by the orange light streaming through my windshield. The air is cool because I’m driving so quickly. I have a bracelet made of UV sensitive beads that light up different colors in the sunlight. It’s scary how instantly this song takes me back. I go back to falling in love with nooks of Columbus I never would have noticed if it weren’t for this friendship. My sweaters have stains on the left forearms and elbows from my art class. I feel so much older but I’m still terribly naive. I do my best to grab the fleeting bits of maturity and interest that are flying my way, discarded by others as surplus. I haven’t even thought of the future. I have to apply to college in the next year but I’m only worried about who I’m going to prom with. The future seems so far away and the present stretches infinitely forward.
Somewhat seamlessly though, the plot shifted and I morphed and morphed again. I still feel like it’s 2009. I still feel 17. I don’t understand how two years have passed already. When I look at myself, comparing past and present side-by-side, I am very much a different person. But I don’t feel any older.