about mothers,

Going through a lot lately. I’m not sure exactly how focused or professional this post is going to be, so please just bear with me while I get all of this out.

I’m house shopping with my friends for next year already. Since I don’t have a car, our range of houses is pretty limited, but my mom has been trying to work out how to find me an affordable car in the next few months so I can live in the beautiful, brand new house with a rent of $350 a month. I sat in my bed just now, trying to learn how to say refrigerator in Korean and I was overwhelmed all of a sudden. I couldn’t keep it in. My mom is giving up so much just so I can live comfortably. My sister is giving up so much without even realizing it. How is it even fair?

When I say she’s given everything to me, I mean everything. At a time when most women are adventuring, building their lives and careers, she spent her twenties being my mother. She always made sure there was another book waiting for me. There was always another museum to go to, another park, another movie to spark my curiosity in the world. She invested all of herself in me. It’s been a solid five months since I’ve been home and I want nothing more than to crawl into her cool bed and smell her sweet, clean smell. It’s a safe place I’ve fled to on countless nights when the monsters in the dark were too ominous and real for me to face alone in my bed.

I wonder at what point we don’t need those safe places anymore?


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